You're warranty is officially expired!

So last December I hit the bit 4-0.  Not a big deal as age doesn't really bother me.  SO had a wonderful surprise party for me and life carried on.

Then in January it slowly started to happen.

Things began to change in the ole body.  Weight was gained, menstrual cycles got waaaay messed up, knees stopped working.  WHAT THE HELL?!?

Apparently my entire system has decided to slow down or speed up in the past four months. Of course the systems I want to slow down sped up and vice versa.  Damn karma, she's such a bitch.

Went to the Dr.'s and said: Menopause? Cancer?

She said: Blood tests, internal examinations, ultrasounds inside and out (yeah, those are fun NOT).

I said: So, wazzup?  I'm going into early menopause and will save thousands on feminine products!

She said: Old Age.

I replied: That sucks.

She said: Welcome to 40.

So apparently now my awesome metabolism has crossed it's arms and is pouting in the corner and now I'm going to actually have to do some form of exercise (ex-cer-siz, I am unfamiliar with this word) in order to not reach maximum capacity.  None of my summer clothes fit.  That sucks.  I look in the mirror and  realize that I am completely unhappy with myself.

The cycle is as follows: I look in the mirror and hate the way I look so I eat which settles in a protective layer around my waist which means my clothes don't fit which makes me look in the mirror and not like what I see.

So how do I fix it?

Ephedrine?  If I could I would, but sadly it has a few adverse side effects.

http://www.ephedrinehcl.ca/pseudoephedrine-vs-ephedrine/30/

Stop eating?  Not a chance, I like my food and snacks.

Alcohol?  Excellent option, and would be my top choice but my job requires me to be completely sober (which sucks on so many levels, no liquid lunches for me.), so although they can't fire me for being chubby, being drunk is a game breaker.

Lipo? I'm no gold digger and have a distinct lack of funds.

Self-Lipo? Yes this is apparently done by people.  I don't think the SO would appreciate my using of the wet/dry shop vac for this (and let's face it, I'd probably forget to empty it out and that would be disgusting).

http://www.cosmeticsurgeryguru.com/self-liposuction/

So I guess since I don't really want to change how I eat (completely), the only other recourse is (shudder) exercise. I don't even want to loose much weight, I just need to tone up and be able to fit into my 6's again instead of the 8/9's I'm currently inhabiting (and now the SO knows why I don't get rid of clothes that don't fit any more).

I've been coerced into running a 10K in September so that training should start this week. Ran a 1/2 marathon last May and haven't run further than up the stairs since.

Yoga classes have been paid for and even attended but I realize that I'm not going to get much weight loss/body firming  from that.

So, I'm up for suggestions to what works for you, but keep in mind that I hate the gym (HATE isn't a strong enough word) and motivation comes in very small doses (usually right before I get ready for bed which is not the opportune time to exercise). Oh, and I want fairly fast results (of course, who doesn't right?).

So I'll be adding Oat Bran (gag, gag) to my meals to encourage the fat to exit via the south end and electric shock therapy to retrain my brain away from snacking, junk food and random over eating. Why or why don't carrots taste as good as Cheetos?  They're both orange!

I'll keep y'all posted on what happens, but I have a dress I'd like to wear in September that fit me in January and doesn't now so that's a goal (I guess).

Getting old sucks.  Just sayin'

Mel