Cover me, I'm going in!

Whatever happened to music?  Yes this is another lament on the current state of music.
Now my music history is wide to say the least.  Growing up our home played the following music:
Scottish Bagpipes (I wish I was kidding)
Show tunes
Barbra Streisand (You don't bring me flowers...)
Roger Whittaker (I'm gonna leave old Durham town)
and on the radio CFRB back in their hey day of Anne Murray (physical shudder) and rousing choruses of Oh-Bla-Dee courtesy of the Beatles.

Thank God for my cousin who is nine years older than me!  She introduced me to The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Queen (play the Coffee Crisp commercial song again!), Men at Work, Platinum Blonde and various others.
When I was in Grade 7, Madonna stormed the air waves (meh) as did Michael Jackson (No thank you.  Didn't like him then, don't like him now--"musical genius" or not).

High school brought me to Duran Duran (LOVE them!), Depeche Mode (seen them four times in concert, they rock), Morrissey (that charming man, love him), The Cure, and various other Brit Pop/Alternative bands.

As I grew even older, I changed radio stations from CFTR 640, to The Hog, to CFNY 102.1 The Edge.  Here I stayed for many years.  I enjoyed the alternative music scene.  It was edgey, it wasn't fluffy, it was machine sounding, it was hard without being metal band-long hair flipping-tight jean wearing hard (Sebastian Bach I'm lookin' at you).

It was the Nirvana/Pearl Jam/Oasis/Smashing Pumpkins years.  It was angst, and anger, and passion.  My favourite band of all time is Nine Inch Nails.  Trent Reznor (Academy Award Winner btw), is a genius of mixing various sounds and beats together to create layer upon layer of music you can feel the beat of in your soul.  Yes his videos were mild disturbing, his lyrics  controversial, and his music loud. But there's something about it, maybe it's almost primal.  Anyways, my Mother never complained about it when it came blasting through the floors at 11 on the speakers.

So you see where my musical tastes are coming from.  Now in the past say, 10 years, I noticed that the "alternative" music offerings just weren't my cup of tea.  They all started to sound the same, and as my daily music background changed to nursery rhymes and Elmo songs, I started to be out of touch with the new music scene.

When I went back to work full time between the OC and YC, I was working retail management with team of young people (comparatively :) ) and started listening to The Edge again.  Most of the music on there did nothing for me, but a few bands did stand out Billy Talent and The White Stripes particularly.  Very Green Day and the music and singers voice was raw sounding. So maybe alternative was making a come back.  Alas, no.

So after we moved from Met-roc-ity to Smallville, the only radio stations which seem to come in with any clarity are the local Top 40/Pop station, the County music station, and the Christian station.  You can safely assume which one I chose.

Although I changed my main music listening to fluff about wanting a piece of Britney and being informed that Backstreet's back alright (I wasn't aware they'd left), I still enjoyed listening to my (now retro) alternative music when the opportunity arose.

About two years ago I realized that I was actually enjoying the happy, upbeat poppiness that is today's music.  I liked not being dark and angry, and the words to what was on the radio were relatively upbeat and meaningless.  I knew the songs, the singers and could still happily vacillate between music genres as the mood struck me.

Then it began.  Rhianna and SOS.  Okay, now she's not the first musician to use a track/beat/song and mold it for her own chart topping/itunes selling purposes.  The Beastie Boys did this "sampling" with great success, adding a clip here and there amongst their own cool beats and catchy lyrics.

Vanilla Ice was the first culprit that I recall doing this with his Ice, Ice Baby ditty.  Still one of the most annoying songs that you just can't turn off if you catch it on the radio.  It'll be stuck in your head for the entire day so just let it play, do your bad running man imitation and with a final Word to Your Mother, it'll be done in 4 minutes.  Of course, one should be careful when stealing from Queen and the omnipotent Freddie Mercury.

My biggest beef isn't that people use other musician's music or songs (ever listen too Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, The Alphabet Song and Baa Baa Black Sheep?  You don't hear Mozart bitching or asking for royalties), but I do have issue with remaking a song and hoping that between a familiar tune and some Auto-Tuning software, it'll catapult you into the charts, hopefully within the top 5.

My current biggest peeves are these singers:

Karl Wolf. With his bad George Michael scruff, hat that's too big for his head (worn to the side of course),  he's not only "remixed" Africa by Toto, he's done Glory of Love by Richard Marx (retitled Ghetto Love).  Mr. Wolf (if that's your real name), having an equally unknown rapper repeatedly chant "Ghetto Love, Ghetto Love, Ghetto Love" does not make this a good song, nor a new song.  You obviously have no talent and should go back to the ghetto from which you sprung.  You are the weakest link, goodbye!

DJ Sammy et al, "Heaven".  Yes I can't believe that I'm defending Bryan Adams, it is a sign of the Apocalypse and you should be getting your affairs in order. In the Summer of '69 I wasn't even born yet so I can't relate to your twaddle about a boy band that failed miserably.
It took me weeks to figure out why I knew this song, why it seemed to resonate deep in the inner memory of my brain.  I finally had to sit down, slow down the music in my head and ping! Ah, video with tv's and Bryan Adams' pitted visage, raspily crooning about how young he is.
I actually like the newer version mostly because it's upbeat and doesn't have Mr. Adams in it.

Heart was one of the biggest rock girl bands of the 80's.  Those girls could belt out a tune like few others.  Ann and Nancy have a set of pipes each that are immediately distinguishable for any true 80's music lover.  Oooooh barracuda is now running through your brain, don't lie, I know it's the first song  you thought of.
So back in 2007 Celine Dion (gag) apparently did a cover.  This is disturbing to me, mostly because Celine Dion is revolting and a viscous audio assault who should be stopped at all costs.  I realize that I've just alienated the gay men following my blog, but seeing as there's only three of you actually reading me and none of you are gay men (or if you are, awesome hiding the fact), I don't give a shit. 
Now some young upstart named Alyssa Reid has taken the core music and chorus, added a few words of her own and (another) unknown rap "singer" and is singing the songs of my youth.  The video for this looks like it was shot in a high school.  Sad. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uep94GnfiOI

Now someone whom you would not have thought to enter into the ring of song theft, recently "made" a "new" song out of two very recognizable tunes. AAAhooooo Sweet Home werewolves of London.  Now, I love this song, it's got a catchy beat, the lyrics aren't bad and it makes me want to roll down the car windows, sing at the top of my lungs and start a road trip.  So I guess if he's doing it, it's alright. Of course, his video is full of girl-on-girl action, a mast-humping bikini clad trollop oh and Kid himself in all his scrawny, dirty 'stachedness.

Now before you get up on your soapbox and wax poetic about the great re-recordings, stow it.  I have a number of songs that have been covered by other artists.  In my opinion, when you cover a song you do so as a sort of tribute to the original artist, not to make a name for yourself on the Top 40 with Ryan Seacrest.

Here's a few of my absolute faves:

Topping the list is NIN's cover of Get Down Make Love, by Queen. Trent Reznor, Freddie Mercury, raw beat, primal sexual humping commence.

The Lemonheads did a version of Mrs. Robinson that just makes me feel happy. If I recall my Ongoing History of New Music I believe they did it originally as a sound check and when it got out, they recorded it as a B-side (remember those? yer old!).  Anyhoo, it's a fun little song.

Echo & the Bunnymen, People Are Strange.  Now Jim Morrison should also be sacrosanct much like Freddie Mercury, but if you can make it work and add an eerie goth/vampire twist to it, I'm in.

Johnny Cash, Hurt.  The Man in Black had a distinct voice, a deep baritone that resonated within your ribcage.  Whether it was Ring of Fire (yes, I laugh at the title too), A Boy Named Sue (how do you do?) or I Walk the Line, you knew when Johnny was singing.
His rendition of Trent Reznor's Hurt song, is heart-breaking.  His voice is sad, it causes the loneliness of the song to penetrate within you and the sepia tones in the video, along with clips of Johnny in the past, make you feel the pain he still feels for June Carter's passing. This video is a must see and hear.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J36CRZzm9vg

Paul Anka, Rock Swings album.  This album is awesome.  I heard the Nirvana cover on the Ongoing History of New Music (Alan Cross is phenomenal) and was singing along before I realized who it was and what they were actually singing.  He covers Oasis, Bon Jovi, Soundgarden, Billy Idol and The Cure, just to name a few.  It's done in a big band swing style and you'll be singing along and laughing when you realize what song he's actually singing.  I have this on disc if you're looking to borrow, otherwise iTunes purchase it, it's worth it.  I enjoy playing it during dinner parties and watching the guests faces when they realize what's playing.

The Cult, Wild Flower.  Hard rock, Ian Astbury, Long Black Hair.  'Nuf Said. Listen and rock out. Bang your head, it's mandatory with this song.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yLVufAfby0

Lenny Kravitz, American Woman.  What was missing from the original Guess Who's version was a sexy "Huh" from a fit, pouty, tattooed man, a wicked guitar riff and a female drummer.  Really now, how could Burton Cummings and Randy Bachman compete?  Oh that's right, they can't.

 

Now Glee is on a level of it's own.  They remix the songs and I'm okay with that.  In fact, there are a number of songs I like better with the remixing. So I don't count them as cover artists per se, but acknowledge the creativity and ingeniousness of them doing so.

Another awesome album of covers is Punk Goes Pop.  Apparently, in my Google searching, there's a whole listing of Punk Goes Albums that I will now need to selectively download.  I highly recommend the Baby One More Time by Nicotine cover.  It makes me laugh.

So there you go, apparently there's no new music any more.  We've reached the pinnacle of our collective musical talents as a species and must now rely on the tragic reworkings of past musicians brilliance to make up for this fact.

Let me know what your favourite cover song is, or better yet, which song you feel should be covered and by whom.  Maybe we can start a petition.

Happy listening!

Mel

Fries & Prejudice

So let's face it, although we live in an "enlightened" society, prejudice is still rampant.  It's not socially acceptable, it's not nice, but it's out there.

We seem to have all understood that it's not nice to comment, judge or slander someone on their race, colour, sex, sexual orientation etc. but there is one hold out it seems that is still socially acceptable: weight.

Now I too, tend to make disparaging remarks on random people's size/shape/girth, but it's never personal, not that that makes it okay.  I have a number of people in my life whom are "personal size" challenged, and I love them just the way they are.  I don't berate them for eating something unhealthy (unless they've given me permission to in order to help keep them on track for diets etc.), I politely suggest that something needs to be in a larger size for proper fitting (when my opinion is asked), and I don't make comparisons between them, myself or any other persons because really, who actually looks like Hollywood people? 

So that said, the rest of y'all should shut the fuck up and leave the skinny girls alone!  Yes I said it. People pick on the skinny girls all the time and apparently that's okay.  If there's a group of women chin-wagging (read: bitching) and you walk into the room, like hungry, bloody-beaked vultures they turn on you.

"It must be nice to have legs that go on forever!"

"Look at what she's eating, I wish I could do that and still look like you."

"Must be nice to not have to worry about your weight."  On and on it goes.

Are you fucking kidding me?!?

Let me set a few things straight ladies.

Let's do that whole travel back in time thing:

Picture the youth, almost the tallest in her classroom grades 4-8.  Not only is she completely uncoordinated (read: not athletic), she's also flat as a board.  I don't just mean no boobs, I mean from her shoulders to her ankles there are no indentations.  No hips, no waist, nothing but knobbly knees, a showing rib cage and two arms and legs that would look healthy on a starving African child.  If you laid me down on a piece of paper you could use me like a ruler.

Speed up slightly to high school.  Now I'm not only tall and skinny, I'm in a new pond of very well endowed fish. So now's there's a new set of social cues that I've got to figure out (I'm still working on them).  Hair, make up, hugging friends you'd seen only a period before.  Oh yeah, and low cut shirts (Madonna was big back then), tight skirts (so were Metal sluts), and I still am skinny, no bewbs, still haven't got my first period (I know, I know, looking back it was a blessing but in the midst of girls who are obviously having sex [you could tell since they were pregnant] having your period was pretty important for fitting in) and completely uncomfortable in my own skin.

Grade 10 arrives, as does the social pressure to remain skinny.  So I stop eating, pretty much.  For the entire year of Grade 9 I consumed a Snickers bar and a can of Coke for breakfast purchased from the coffee truck outside the school.  Just to give you an idea of my eating choices =)

So I eat an apple and a bagel each day.  And that's it.  Why? Good question.  I always wore clothing that was too big for me to hide my body so it wasn't like I was prancing around in all my long-legged coltishness flaunting my flat tummy (looking back I certainly would have).  So began my year with anorexia.  I was hungry. All the time. It sucked. 

Towards the end of Grade 10 I decided I had enough of being hungry and went back to my stellar eating habits of fries with gravy, Jamaican patties from the cafe and a Mars bar and a coke for breakfast every day.  Did I gain weight? Nope, but I had a new appreciation for the hungry girls at school.

In my late teens I was approached in a mall to be a model.  I have since learned that those people are like telemarketers and will say this to any girl who's tall and skinny.  By now my bewbs have come in (yay), I've gotten laid (bigger yay) and I'm over hiding my body under layers of clothes that are too big for me.  I've moved onto the inappropriate clothing that Mother's of teens have hated for decades, but (as seems to be the case for me) later than others.

So I convince my parents that this is career for me, we meet with the agency people who happily take my Mother's money and they snap some pics of me.  The pics were gorgeous (this was before photoshop, hell it was before digital, so they did a good job) and the agency proudly told me that they would love to represent me.......after I lost 20 pounds.   FULL STOP. Say WHAT?!?  At 5 feet 9 inches and 125 pounds unless I lost a leg there was no where for me to loose 20 pounds.  I'd also played the anorexia game and there was no way I was joining the B&P crew (Binge and Purge.  I HATE to vomit and will avoid it at all costs, unless tequila is involved at which point all bets are off).  So I told them to stuff it and walked away, $1000 poorer but with my eyes opened a bit more.

So I was pretty but not skinny enough, and skinny is what you wanted to be.  Whatever.  I was 19, had the metabolism of a marathon runner.  I could eat anything I wanted and it didn't matter, I was skinny. Cool.

So for some time after entering the workforce I endured the comments about my height, weight, length of legs etc.  I'd always be self-depreciating and say something derogatory to myself to brush aside the comment/compliment.  It's just my body type, I guess I lucked out.

When I got pregnant with the OC, my body went along with it.  Okay, so now we eat for two, whatev.  I craved Mick Chickens (no copyright infringement here) with extra mayo....daily.  In fact, after the second month I ate one...daily.  Could be 11am in the morning, could be right before bed at 10:30pm, didn't matter when I just had to have it.  So I gain a whopping total of........25 pounds......my entire pregnancy.....don't hate me, I tried, really I did.  This was my chance to gorge myself and no one would stop me.  I was eating for two, I had cravings, etc. etc. etc.  I also had an awesome metabolism.  From behind you couldn't tell I was pregnant, and then I'd turn around and there was this little ball where my belly should be.  I was so proud of being pregnant and wanted this big baby bump and people around me to turn and think "There goes a woman with child!  She's huge, you could see that thing from space!". But no, not to be.

So I finally hit the wall a couple of years ago when a family member who has a weight problem and would comment consistently about my size, pushed me to the edge. 

"Must be nice to eat whatever you want and stay skinny."

"You know what __________?  The thing is, skinny girls are ALWAYS hungry, but we've just learned to keep our mouths shut so we don't get fat."  That shut her up.

Seriously, I do eat what I want, usually when I want it but I also know that I'll have to do some type of exercise to work it off, that or not eat as much a few days later to balance out the fact I've just eaten an entire side of ham and poutine and chocolate cake and, and, and.

My job keeps me busy so there are days where after being up since 5:30am, (still not a breakfast eater either) if there's a birthday at work and there's cake at 11am, that's completely respectable to eat "for breakfast".  There are also a lot of days where I don't eat until 12 or even later.

There are downsides to this body type (no really). 

Being tall means that finding pants that fit properly is hard.  They're usually not long enough in the leg and/or to get them to be so, you have to buy them in a bigger size so they don't fit right in the bum/waist.

Long arms mean that finding jackets, coats and shirts that fit across the back and down to the wrist is difficult. Making sure that they fit your torso can be a challenge too.  No one wants to see you flashing your waist/muffin top.

When you are tall you usually have big feet so finding shoes that don't look like scuba flippers is a challenge (I swear sometimes I feel like a drag queen trying to find shoes that fit and look respectable).

Being tall means that you don't blend in well with the crowd.  I usually am at least a head taller than many of the people around me so I feel like a giant half the time (actually when I worked with a "little person" it was worse).  Our posture tends to be more hunched as we have spent years trying to get out of the back row of pictures so we round our shoulders (which causes back problems).

Being tall means that you get noticed whether you want to be or not. You get asked to reach things and then have rude comments made about the fact you don't need a chair/stool/ladder to get them.  If you don't want my help then don't ask.  You can't reach it and are too lazy to get a chair to do so, so you ask me and then insult me.  Bite me instead, hey, how about that?

You get asked to slow down because your stride is too long, or you shorten your stride to accommodate people with no leg range and end up tripping yourself and looking like a dork.  Hey, how about this Tiny Tim, run a little.  Then you can keep up and loose some lbs too.

Yes I'm tall, deal with it.

Yes I'm thin, can eat what I want to and not worry that it'll send me into a downward spiral of eat/regret/gain/repeat.  Although my metabolism is slowing down as I reach 40 and I have to watch a bit more and exercise a bit more, so be it.  Balance is the key.  So is not having gravy on everything.  Just sayin.
 
Guess what, you could be thin too if you exercised and shut your mouth.

In fact shutting your mouth would solve a number of problems.

So I'll stop making remarks about people who are fat, if you stop picking on the thin girls. Deal?

Mel